Life After the Crown

View of Tori McConnell walking in the MMIP Day of Awareness march at the California State Capitol in Sacramento, CA. Photo by Sequoia Coleman (Seminole-Mvskoke)

"Drumroll please... With 3,154 points... She comes to us... Representing... The Yurok and Karuk Tribes of Northwestern California, from Eureka, California, Tori McConnellllllllll!!!! Your NEW Miss Indian World!"

Those words were no longer just my imagination. Those words were now being announced over loudspeakers for everyone in Tingley Coliseum to hear. Fantasy manifested, a dream came true, my desire to win the Miss Indian World (MIW) title wasn't a secret anymore, and neither was my talent and my power. It felt like my world was in my hands now. I could do anything. I didn't allow myself to cry when my jaw dropped and the stadium erupted with applause. From this millisecond on, I had to look decent for the cameras — and every set of eyes that was going to be watching me for the rest of the night, and the rest of the year.

I can't tell you how many times I've been asked about my journey. The answer I give you is almost always the same: "I learned a lot." If our conversation has a chance to develope, you'll hear me explain where I did or didn't travel to and what my favorite memories were. That's something for another blog post, a book, even. What I'm here to address on my first ever blog post is my life after Miss Indian World.

"Bor-ing," I can hear you thinking to yourself. That's not what you were looking for, was it? I would open my blog writing about my personal experience as the first Yurok Tribal Citizen and second California Indian to bring home the Miss Indian World title. I would open my blog with writing about my experience in the pageant, even. But that's not at all why I published a website or started a blog.

The first problem I had with Miss Indian World is that when I was in the middle of the competition, there was a distinguishing moment when people started treating me differently. It was the moment when they saw me not just as a contestant anymore, but as a possible future Miss Indian World.

Never before did I imagine I would be on a magazine stand next to model and activist Quannah Rose Chasinghorse. In this picture see Miss Indian World 2023-24 Tori McConnell on the cover of Native News from California, situated on the stand next to model and activist Quannah Rose Chasinghorse on the cover for Outside, likely placed strategically next to each other by an employee or a passerby. Not only this, but notice that another realm of my work is featured on this same stand; my original artwork is on the cover of California Water Justice News as well. The cover story of ECONEWS alludes to the revitalization of Indigenous fire, a field which I would enter shortly after passing on her crown. What a win for me, and for my Indigenous community, to see this kind of representation on the stands of our local supermarket.

Throughout my MIW year I kept thinking, I wish that everyone treated the girls and women in their families and communities the way that they treat me as a Miss Indian Wrold. But I understood why people get excited to meet titleholders or others who have accomplished something extraordinary.

Before the Traditional Talent Presentations I was just known as contestant #15. During orientation, everyone stood in a circle introducing themselves as we took turns stepping out of the circle to check in with the stage crew. After my check-in, I stepped back into the circle. I didn't get a chance to introduce myself, and the group was ready to move on without me. At that moment, I felt left behind and forgotten. Oh, well, I thought. I was too shy to speak up. "Hey, hello! You forgot one girl! Me!" I thought in my head. Almost like reading my mind, another contestant, Anawake Toyekoyah, spoke up to draw attention to the fact that the group was moving on without giving me a chance to even introduce myself.

"Excuse me!" She said, with a raised hand. "I think she still needs to introduce herself," she said, motioning in my direction.

"Did you get a chance to introduct yourself yet?" The facilitator asked. "No, not yet."

"Oh, I'm so sorry — please, tell us about yourself."

The rest of those first 3 days I kept pretty quiet, adjusting to the new environment and allowing natural friendships to take root with the other young ladies I clicked with. Anawake, as well as some of my other new friends, made me feel valued in a space that all too easily glossed over my existence.

After the Traditional Talent Presentations was another story. No one was going to forget me or my name after that. I blew it out of the water with my talent presentation, and I wasn't the only one who knew it. Whispers of the likelihood of my impending success rippled through the crowd and beyond. Mere seconds after walking off the stage, I was approached by some of my fellow contestants, some of which were girls who never gave me a second glance prior. "What tribe are you from, again?" "Are you going to school for language?" Smiles where I saw none before, new people looking me in the eye, asking me about myself. That was the distinguishing moment.

There was going to be two divisions of people from now on. People who liked me before, and people who liked me after. People who loved Tori, and people who loved what I achieved. Those girls who appoached me after the talent presentation never made me feel bad, and they never showed malice or jealousy — I will make that very clear. Every single contestant was kind and polite. I just knew this was a small sign of what was to come.

This is why I'm starting my website and writing my blog. My name is now forever attached to the Miss Indian World title, but I don't want you to love me just for that. I want you to love me for everything that brought me to that title and for everything that got me through it. That, my friend, extends way far beyond the surreal moment on April 29th, 2023 when Mr. Announcer Man fulfilled my dream.

I prayed for that title because I wanted to use my gifts to help someone, anyone. I won that title by a narrow margin because I stayed humble and worked hard and earned my scores. I won that title because I love people, I care about them, and just like everyone else I'm still working on finding myself. I'm so lucky that the crown helped me do that. I could not have learned better any other way.

Miss Indian World Tori McConnell posing in a doorway at Katimiin brush dance grounds (Pic-ya-wish Ceremonial District near Somes Bar, CA) wearing the MIW sash and her great grandmother Ardith Wilder McConnell's basket cap woven by great-great-great grandmother Fanny Rube Dowd. Photo by Julian Lang (Karuk, Shasta, & Wiyot)

I healed. I loved. The Miss Indian World rules didn't allow me to date publicly, but I didn't date privately either. A year of much solitude I dedicated to one purpose and one purpose only: to grow, get better. My year forced me to face hurts, challenges, fears, and sadness. It forced me to make friends to not just have fun with but to grow with. It forced me to push through with the encouragement of my sister Jessa Rae Growing Thunder, when she told me I could give up or I could show the younger girls that there is always a way. And if there isn't a way, I make one. That's my version of Indigenous womanhood. My mom taught me that, so did Jessa.

Life after the crown is just as messy as it was before and during. I got contracts I've been working on, I've got part-time jobs, personal and family life, and the everyday struggle to keep up with bills, taxes, food, and health just like everybody else. Having a chronic illness and mental health struggles makes me just like the majority of the population trying to make it through life's curveballs and, quite frankly, the trauma that we've all underwent through Covid. I've been working, hustling to fund my education (I'm getting my Master's Degree) and trying my best to build a life that makes me so happy to wake up in the morning (waking up in the morning has always been upsettlingy hard for me — at least, for as long as I can remember).

Ok, Really Life After the Crown

If you wanna know the facts, almost immediately after getting back to Humboldt after relinquishing my hard-earned title to Kassie John of the Navajo Nation, I was recruited by Dr. Cutcha Risling-Baldy to work as Fire Coordinator for an NSF-Karuk Fire Plan between Cal Poly Humboldt and the Karuk Tribe Department of Natural Resources. I completed my Basic 32, which is the qualification needed to become a certified Wildland Firefighter, as well as an arduous level pack test (that means traversing 3 miles in 45 minutes or less while carrying a 45-lb weight). I was able to attend Karuk Women's TREX, a week-long prescribed burning training specifically geared towards Karuk women in Karuk lands, where I got to be a fire lighter for the first time. I helped conduct some research for the Fire Plan, and to be honest with you I spent the rest of the summer relaxing and playing videogames. Haven't done that in a while. (Specifically, Super Mario Galaxy, Mario Kart 64, and Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild). During this time I was spending a lot of time on a new relationship, and hanging out with my family. I finished up my summer by starting a new weaving project. Heading into my second year of grad school, I completed the rest of my required classes for my Master's program (Environment & Community at Cal Poly Humboldt). While starting my classes I was recruited by Tona Miranda of Youth Forward, a youth-serving nonprofit based in Sacramento, CA. I was hired as part-time Tribal Policy Advocate, a new title in a new position. Through this position I got to travel to Washington D.C. for the first time! I continued working through my second year of my Masters program while working these two part-time jobs. Throughout the fall I spent good time with friends, especially my bestie from my E&C cohort, Sangeeta. I also rehearsed and performed in the Eureka Symphony thanks to my friend Muriel Ammon who talked me into joining the chorus with her for the fall 2024 season. We closed out the fall with a beautiful performance of Handel's Messiah. After the Christmas Holidays, on New Year's Day to be exact, I ended up in the hospital with an abnormally severe case of mononucleosis, likely from school or all the traveling I did in the late fall. I ended up in the ER again a few days later. I was down for about a month, and am still recovering my strength. During the height of the sickness is when I fully doubled down on playing fiddle again -- which was one of my first desires in life (I was 4 years old when I decided I wanted to play violin). This was my attempt at repairing my relationship with my younger self, who quit playing violin entirely around the age of 13. I revived another childhood hobby, writing, and started journaling as a tool for emotional and nervous system regulation. I started reading fiction again and came up with some story ideas for some books I want to write and publish someday. I'm still doing contracts, and am currently fulfilling a contract with Northern California Indian Development Council. I've been teaching a mural workshop at their new youth center (the NEST), and so far there has been one very talented special young Yurok girl who I have had the joy of meeting, eaching and guiding through the process of creating a mural.

Conclusion

I created this website and blog as a tool for organization. I'm organizing my life and my work. You can think of it like that. Yes, I told you that my life is more than just my Miss Indian World title and I know I've emphasized that pretty heavily in this article — but the Miss Indian World crown truly did totally uproot and transform me. Now, it is more important now than ever that I provide an accessible place for viewers to see my work and have an official point of contact. So however this website evolves to reflect my work, this blog is written so that you and i can always remember my story. Why I created it. Because beyond the Miss Indian World year that everyone sees when they Google search my name, there is so much more than that. I created this to share my life's work and I write so that you can understand what it means.

Thank you for joining me for a moment on my journey. This endeavor is my own undertaking, but it is also inspired by the amazing website that my friend Brook Thompson runs for her multihyphenate work. Additionally inspiring is my bestie Muriel Ammon's work for Native News from California, crafting magazine articles and blog posts. It has been miracluous watching Muriel's growth since we met, and even more of the growth she has had since dedicating a year of her life to writing. I thank them both for their examples, and I thank Muriel especially for being a sister to me and encouraging me in everything I say and do. Indigenous young women publishing our own writing to express ourselves? We all need more of that.